EDITORIAL: What I Can & Cannot Forgive About 'The Dark Knight Rises'

First off JLSpaw… hater much?

See that’s the thing, there isn’t hate. This is just another point of view that I believe a lot of people aren’t seeing. I’m neither attempting to re-educate people’s perception nor making them dislike the film. I think The Nolan Trilogy (which I prefer to call it) is the absolute best comic book trilogy of all time and I don’t see it being bettered within the next decade. These are just some major quips that took me out of the film so let’s all bask in my mental hell.

So when I read into films, I try to look at everything. Some films are easier to grade and review than others because they succeed on their own for what they’re trying to accomplish. For example: The Raid – Redemption is to me a nearly flawless flick because it succeeded at what it was trying to do. Now it’s not comparable to TDKR just based off scale alone but even though Raid is nearly perfect to me; it doesn’t make it better. The Dark Knight Rises has a load of plots, characters, and elements that bog down the film and I’m about to point them out.

NOTE: By the way, these blurbs below are in no particular order and if I did make a full non-spoiler-y review, I would easily give it an 8 out of 10. Now we begin… go ahead and hate me.

The Folly of Foley

I can’t remember his purpose… maybe he was police chief or something but that ass “Foley” played by Matthew Modine wore two massive crowns in this flick. The first one was for his overly 2 dimensional character outlook. So when Bane and friends basically rob the entire stock market and send the city into a rescission; his character wants to take down the guy who killed Harvey Dent 8 years ago. Which I get. Sort’of. But he’s priorities are a little whacked and unrealistic. That hatred for Batman continues with his stupid face (sorry, I hate him) throughout the rest of the film. The other crown was his acting. Every time he was on screen it took me out of the movie. Just terrible. And they attempted to redeem him at the end by playing hero and getting shot. That was a shiny moment for me… I’m totally applauding next time.

The Law Enforcement Predicament Department (LEPD)

The police department knows something is happening down in the sewers of Gotham. I mean hell; they have the credibility of the recently assaulted commissioner telling them about this insane network of guys doing something down there that doesn’t seem entirely lawful. Though at first they do nothing until Bane makes an appearance and that’ll force about 3000 cops, including SWAT to go under the city looking for trouble. There goes about 98% of the police force chasing down for what they think is about 15 guys (based on the robbery). I get that it’s a movie but damn, seriously? A major city like Chicago would do that? What a bunch of morons! So now they’re trapped. What I can forgive (even though logic says I shouldn't) is that they were trapped down there for 5 months. That's insane! Cop clothes wouldn't last that long because they didn’t dress in anything else (that we know of). Place would have been covered in shit and food would still be limited causing massive loss of life and whatnot. Post-apocalyptic catacomb of death and doom. But I have to forgive this because if they did answer those questions... it could have been boring as all hell.

Not Very Dark Knighty

No I’m not talking about the fact the Batman suit didn’t show up until 30 minutes into the film… which I’m totally fine with. The absence is appreciated. I’m talking about when Bruce is actually the Caped Crusader. Batman (in comics) is known for his gadgets. Not entirely for his various vehicles but that’s a Nolan trait I’ve come to admire over the years. Plus it translates better on the big screen. But Batman wasn’t very Batman in this flick, gadgets and strategy took a backseat. This could be because it’s more of a Bruce Wayne story than a Batman story which is alright. I dug that aspect a lot more because he wasn’t overly developed in The Dark Knight besides becoming villainesque in the last 3 minutes. I just can’t think of any strong moment’s wear a gadget meant something. He doesn’t have super powers so… … … I’m just upset that there are over 7 hours worth of Nolan-y Batman movies and not one goddamn shark repellant reference is made! :-P

Break a Bat

I get his back breaking and having it re-broke back into place. Crunchy vertebrae makes for good popcorn fun. I’ll let go of the fact Bane took time out some from his precious master plan to drop Wayne off in some random prison hole out in the middle of nowhere with some of the world’s most dangerous criminals (as said by Alfred). I can even never mind the fact that with no money to his name, no ID, or Batman equipment, that he gets ALL the way back to the U.S. (through customs and all) into Gotham (where all other law enforcement couldn’t) without being noticed. I can forgive ALL that for the sake of runtime alone… but shouldn’t his back hurt? Or his knee that was injured in the beginning of the film (ala no cool electronic brace this time around)? Just a tad? Did the pit magically heal all his medical issues? Could this pit cure cancer? It just takes longer than 5 months to heal from all that. Just sayin. This isn’t a nitpick, this is me wishing that Batman (the character) felt more real and having him save the day with an injury is always more memorable.

Hips and Whips

Anne Hathaway’s portrayal as Catwoman was the highlight of the movie for me. She is everything I could love about Catwoman and executed it wonderfully. So don’t get me wrong, my complaint wasn’t with her, it was with the Batman. It’s like he replaced his gadgets for her. He needs her help finding Bane… twice. He needs her in a fight. Why? If this was a dude stealing his mother’s jewelry, I doubt he’ll ask to team up. Is it because he hasn’t seen a female in 8 years? They kiss twice without much relationship development. I guess they could be considered warranted (one for the sake of Catwoman’s personality for being Catwoman including thievery, the second one was a goodbye kiss of sorts) but whatever. And oh yeah! Wouldn’t Alfred or the formally secret masked murderer in hiding Batman do a fucking proper background check on ANY of their staff? They would have found out about Selina a hell of a lot earlier.

InBane in the Membrane

I guess the next step would be Bane. Hardy’s performance was incredible. I even dug the voiceover which was changed in post-production. The only part I couldn’t help from laughing at is the line from the trailers. Even in context, it’s worse. “Gotham’s Reckoning, I am.” Seriously sounds like Yoda. Seriously. Anyhow, I wasn’t a fan of how insignificant he became by the time Talia was revealed to be the big bad. Sure it was a nice twist but he merely became a whimpering henchman and then gunned down like one. When Catwoman shot him with the Batpod, it was an awesome holy shit moment. But I never thought he was actually dead. No one announced it. No one went like… check that body or stood over him in sympathy. Nothing happened. Every villain had their ending in Nolan’s Trilogy but Bane. Well… I’m wrong. It was an ending that went all BLAM!

Name’s Blake, Robin Blake?

I have a man crush Joseph Gordon Levitt. Man is smashing, but out of EVERYONE in Gotham… He was the one that was like… Pssh, I’ve always known it was you the whole time. WTF?! I thought that story he was telling was a lie like…  like there was a bigger picture to him or something! Nope. Man you make Commissioner Gordon’s revelation look super-tarded. How does anyone just “know”? I can’t help but say that, that’s just lazy storytelling. Could he just admire him and Bruce reveals it later? I mean, it’s not practical but it’s more believable. Damn out of all Gotham, some beat cop knows who Batman is. Maybe Gotham should burn… because everyone’s friggin’ stupid!

Like Father, like Daughter

Talia *a-hem*…  I mean Miranda and Bruce have some steamy sex a day or two (that’s what it looked like) after Alfred checks out. Well Alfred checks out because Wayne made him check out after Alfred reveals that Rachel wrote a letter about checking out from Wayne to check in with Dent. Well Wayne finally moves on. Too little too late Alfred. Couldn’t you have said something years ago before Wayne nearly wasted a decade of his life doing nothing? Literally nothing. And the sex without an established relationship with Miranda? Too much, too early. You had a more realistic chance with Catchick. Anyways… wouldn’t Miranda have tried to kill Wayne back at his house instead of dealing with him later? Knowing he’s the Batman, wouldn’t you want to eliminate the ONLY person that could stop your righteous blow-Gotham-upper plan? Gah!

Applied Nonsense

OK, I’m going to try to be brief. If “no one knows” about the Applied Sciences division since it was written off the books; how did Bane magically find it? How did Talia know Bruce was Batman in the first place? Did her daddy give her a call from nearly 10-12 years ago (the time of Batman Begins) saying “Hello dear, quick update. I’m on an elevated train and I’m about to die. Bruce Wayne is Batman.” *click* OK, I know it’s all very nitpicky but why give us all that information if it doesn’t add up?

OK, I think I’m done now. There are plentiful amount of other issues other people have sought out that I haven’t mentioned here because initially, I didn’t think of them until I read them. These are the things I noticed up until this morning so I had 3 days to sit on it. I know what you all must be thinking… I still dug it. Awesome movie in my view but not my favorite this year or my favorite Nolan/Batman film. But hey… it succeeded and broke the trilogy curse. I consider myself a happy fan. Thank you Chris Nolan and thank you for dealing with my rant. Good day!